The Best Marriage Advice I Was Given

When I was taking pre-marital counseling with my soon-to-be-husband, we did the "Love and Respect" series with my parents. We would watch a session and discuss. One comment in particular struck me: let your husband dream.

Probably this isn't all that crazy to some people. Probably it partly depends upon your marriage, but my husband is definitely a dreamer. He will come to me on a regular basis with a new scheme for how to expand his business, make a bigger impact with his work, etc. And every time he does, I listen, try not to say much, and just accept his dream for what it is.

Why?

Cleaving and Becoming An Adult

There is an awkward stage that every young adult goes through where he goes from being a child to being an adult. It's awkward for both the parents and the child, because there is a combination of still wanting to parent/be parented and yet wanting to make decisions that will impact the future you wish to have.

I knew from an incredibly young age (around 8) that I wanted to be a wife and mother. I never wanted to be anything else. I planned on getting married the day I turned 18 and popping out babies every year or so while my husband worked and I stayed at home. To me, this described the ideal life. My parents were supportive. They knew how important a wife and mother who stays at home can be, and they believed I was following the natural path for the majority of women.

Giving Up Meat

That's one big kohlrabi!

I have this really great husband to whom I can suggest anything reversible, and he's always willing to try. Early fall, I made a rather scary life change suggestion: "What would you think about trying Veganism for awhile?"

We weren't even avoiding meat (not at ALL. We love our local meat), but something had happened that really had changed how I felt about eating it all the time: my father had suffered a heart attack. After doing a lot of reading and research, I started a new running routine and thought that some diet changes could really be helpful in keeping our bodies working well. The diet change was approved, and we went from eating meat nearly every meal to no meat, dairy, or eggs. We were already sugar free and mostly oil and pasta free, so we knew it would be an adventure!

Why I Prioritize A Clean Home Over Playing with My Kids

Before kids, it was easy to keep house. I had way more time to accomplish everything than I needed, most of the time, and even with chronic health issues, I managed to get dishes done, the bed made, and the living room vacuumed. After my first child came, it got a little harder. When the second came along, it got a little more difficult. Then we embraced minimalism, and although that didn't eliminate the need to clean up, it did make things easy again.

But there were times when I noticed my husband seemed a little less relaxed when he got home. He didn't complain, but I could tell that when he came home and things were messy, it added stress to his life. Coming home wasn't a time to let loose and relax - he felt a need to clean up!

What I Don't Do to Help My Marriage

When it comes to a clean house, my husband and myself, well, we tend to be sticklers. We like our home to be at least tidy at all times. Being minimalists, it isn't too hard, and clean up even after the worst our kids and ourselves can manage, it will rarely take more than ten minutes to straighten things up. This is one of the nice side effects of minimalism.

There is one thing, however, that we don't bother cleaning up: our supper mess. This may seem a little controversial, but we habitually leave the kitchen when we're done with supper and don't bother with it that night. We rarely even clear the table.

Why?

The Thought that Changed My Marriage

I remember how frustrated I felt, early in our marriage, as I told my husband: "I feel like ice cream. Nothing else appeals to me. Don't you understand what it feels like to crave something?" My husband, looking a little apologetic, admitted he had no clue. He said sometimes he wanted a specific food, but the idea of wanting something to the exclusion of anything else felt nonsensical. All he knew was hungry and not hungry.

10 Books to Read Before You're a Spouse & Parent

There are countless marriage and parenting books, and although I certainly can't cover all of them, there are some I think are especially important to start you off on the right foot when it comes to being a supportive spouse and parenting with joy.

1. Intended for Pleasure

I've mentioned this book before as one I consider incredibly important to create a healthy, balanced sexual relationship between a husband and wife. It helps you know how to prepare for the wedding night, how to talk about sex with your spouse, how to deal with typical problems that come up, and the science of sex and how it works. It can hopefully foster a practical start to one of the more complicated areas of marriage to navigate.

2. Essentialism

I believe this book is also important as you begin marriage, because it helps you set up guidelines for decision making - particularly when it comes to deciding what will fill your schedule. When coming into marriage, I cannot think of anything more precious than time, and this book can help you recognize where you might be spending time that you shouldn't and how you can refocus on what really matters to you.