Thursday, September 6, 2018

The Best Marriage Advice I Was Given


When I was taking pre-marital counseling with my soon-to-be-husband, we did the "Love and Respect" series with my parents. We would watch a session and discuss. One comment in particular struck me: let your husband dream.

Probably this isn't all that crazy to some people. Probably it partly depends upon your marriage, but my husband is definitely a dreamer. He will come to me on a regular basis with a new scheme for how to expand his business, make a bigger impact with his work, etc. And every time he does, I listen, try not to say much, and just accept his dream for what it is.

Why?

Eggerichs basically explains the idea in this way: men need to dream. They need to think of ways to influence the world and stand out among other men. Women are not really dreamers. They like stability and for things to be consistent and trustworthy, so when a husband approaches his wife with a major dream that sounds like it could change their lives forever, that really makes the wife uncomfortable. What if everything goes wrong? What if everything changes? Every possible problem is immediately present in her mind, and she opens her mouth to explain why the dream is ridiculous. But that is the last thing she should do. The husband isn't crazy. He's not going to uproot the family and change everything without careful consideration (and discussion). The wife should quietly listen, accept the dream, and let things unfold.

This scenario, as I have said, occurs regularly in my marriage. My husband comes to me with a dream. I listen. I accept the dream. Sometimes, the dream is pretty tame, and at other times it seems impossible. No matter what, I let it be. And guess what? Nothing horrible has happened. Ever. Despite always letting my husband suggest and try for what seems unfeasible, he has never put me in a position of insecurity or danger. It always feels like I'm tempting danger, but I trust my husband to do what is best for our family while still conquering the world in the ways he can. And guess what else? Those things that seems impossible... he completely vanquishes them 85% of the time.

We've been married for six years, now, and I've learned a lot about my husband during that time. He is a major dreamer. He's also incredibly good at making his dreams a reality in a way that respects my needs and desires. He has proven himself to me as I have trusted him to do his best, and we are both the better for it.

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