Sexy Resources

I know a lot of couples want to improve their sex life. This can be complicated with the over-sexed world. Where can you go without being bombarded by visuals you'd prefer to leave unseen? I've spent many years looking for such resources, because I love sex, and I want to be able to learn about it from resources that are healthy for myself and my husband.

Any resources I recommend are ones that have been helpful to me in some way. That doesn't mean that everything applies to me or even that I like everything a person says. Check them out for yourself, take what you can from them, put aside what you can't. 

If you want to read some great blog posts about sex, I highly recommend Kevin A. Thompson. I've read both of his books and probably all his blog posts. He really challenges me, and I love the way he talks about sex. I do his 28 day marriage challenge every February (my husband has no idea :)), which is a lot of fun. I also like To Love, Honor, and Vacuum. This is a woman's perspective on sex as a service, educating yourself, and simple, frank discussions on all the questions you've been afraid to ask. 

If you like podcasts, I've really enjoyed One Extraordinary Marriage. This couple did a 60 day sex challenge, started a blog, and later a podcast to talk about the importance of intimacy in marriage. Their podcast is a great way to start conversation and think about how you can improve. You can also check out Sex Chat for Christian Wives. This is an area I want to explore more, so I'd love to know of any you like! 

If you're interested in books about sex, here are some of my favourites:
Intended for Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat
Sheet Music by Kevin Leman
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
Friends, Partners, & Lovers by Kevin A Thompson
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire
Bonk by Mary Roach (this one is more about the science and is full of fun and facts. This is the only book on my list that isn't written by a Christian.)

I love lingerie, and my husband does, too. Here are some model-free websites where you can find beautiful lingerie in many styles, colors, sizes, and price-points. Because they're model free, you can even let your husband pick something. Several of these sites also include other sexy-time things:
https://secretthursday.com/
https://www.engedilingerie.com/
https://www.gingerandpeachlingerie.com/
https://www.honoringintimates.com/
https://shopmentionables.com/
https://christianlovetoys.com/
https://marrieddance.com/

Interested in exploring sex positions without pictures of real people?:
https://www.christianfriendlysexpositions.com/

Married Christian Sex will randomly generate various sexual encounters that you can try out. There are other resources as well, so feel free to explore! Christian Nymphos is also a resource I've used regularly. 

That's all for now! I'm regularly exploring new books, blogs, podcasts, etc. I'll add to this list as I find new things. Explore! Grab your spouse! Have a good time :). 

Memoirs of a Pregnancy Loss

Over two years ago, I lost a pregnancy.

It was an accidental pregnancy, as I was only ten months postpartum after my third baby. I started feeling the tell-tale signs of morning sickness and aversions to sweet breakfasts that I've felt with nearly all my pregnancies. Only this time, I was cramping almost constantly. 

I didn't mention this to my husband. I was afraid to. My previous pregnancy had been difficult, tinged by perinatal depression. My marriage had been under significant strain. Then after the birth, postpartum depression was my constant companion. I thought about killing myself and sparing my family of my pain on a regular basis. After therapy and the comfort and support of many friends, I was doing much better, but I didn't want it to happen again. So I tried to ignore my body. 

Minimalist Must Haves: Toddler Edition

Knowing what to have for a toddler can be just as overwhelming as for a baby. The idea that you need a lot to keep a toddler well kept and happy is just as prevalent - and just as wrong - as the idea that you need a lot to have a baby. I have found that my toddlers are happier with much less than even I expected as a minimalist. So what to you need to keep your toddler happy, healthy, and wise?

Minimalist Christmas Traditions

I would say I come from a tradition-loving family. Every year, a big hoopla was made over watching our extensive list of favorite Christmas movies, putting up a lot of Christmas decorations, eating lots of sweet, and the list goes on. As I've begun building my own family traditions, I have found that our lifestyle doesn't mesh too well with the traditions I grew up with.

At first, I found this a little disheartening. What traditions makes sense for a family that tries to be frugal, not create a lot of waste or take up space, and keep things simple? Here are the traditions we have chosen as fitting with our family lifestyle:

Minimalist Must Haves: Baby Edition

You are about to welcome a new baby into your world. Congratulations! It's an exciting and incredibly overwhelming time. I remember trying to figure out, with my first, what I would need to survive, and it honestly was a lot less than I had. Here, I'll outline the things I found I needed and mention a few things you only might need. 

The Best Marriage Advice I Was Given

When I was taking pre-marital counseling with my soon-to-be-husband, we did the "Love and Respect" series with my parents. We would watch a session and discuss. One comment in particular struck me: let your husband dream.

Probably this isn't all that crazy to some people. Probably it partly depends upon your marriage, but my husband is definitely a dreamer. He will come to me on a regular basis with a new scheme for how to expand his business, make a bigger impact with his work, etc. And every time he does, I listen, try not to say much, and just accept his dream for what it is.

Why?

Cleaving and Becoming An Adult

There is an awkward stage that every young adult goes through where he goes from being a child to being an adult. It's awkward for both the parents and the child, because there is a combination of still wanting to parent/be parented and yet wanting to make decisions that will impact the future you wish to have.

I knew from an incredibly young age (around 8) that I wanted to be a wife and mother. I never wanted to be anything else. I planned on getting married the day I turned 18 and popping out babies every year or so while my husband worked and I stayed at home. To me, this described the ideal life. My parents were supportive. They knew how important a wife and mother who stays at home can be, and they believed I was following the natural path for the majority of women.

Giving Up Meat

That's one big kohlrabi!

I have this really great husband to whom I can suggest anything reversible, and he's always willing to try. Early fall, I made a rather scary life change suggestion: "What would you think about trying Veganism for awhile?"

We weren't even avoiding meat (not at ALL. We love our local meat), but something had happened that really had changed how I felt about eating it all the time: my father had suffered a heart attack. After doing a lot of reading and research, I started a new running routine and thought that some diet changes could really be helpful in keeping our bodies working well. The diet change was approved, and we went from eating meat nearly every meal to no meat, dairy, or eggs. We were already sugar free and mostly oil and pasta free, so we knew it would be an adventure!

Why I Prioritize A Clean Home Over Playing with My Kids

Before kids, it was easy to keep house. I had way more time to accomplish everything than I needed, most of the time, and even with chronic health issues, I managed to get dishes done, the bed made, and the living room vacuumed. After my first child came, it got a little harder. When the second came along, it got a little more difficult. Then we embraced minimalism, and although that didn't eliminate the need to clean up, it did make things easy again.

But there were times when I noticed my husband seemed a little less relaxed when he got home. He didn't complain, but I could tell that when he came home and things were messy, it added stress to his life. Coming home wasn't a time to let loose and relax - he felt a need to clean up!

What I Don't Do to Help My Marriage

When it comes to a clean house, my husband and myself, well, we tend to be sticklers. We like our home to be at least tidy at all times. Being minimalists, it isn't too hard, and clean up even after the worst our kids and ourselves can manage, it will rarely take more than ten minutes to straighten things up. This is one of the nice side effects of minimalism.

There is one thing, however, that we don't bother cleaning up: our supper mess. This may seem a little controversial, but we habitually leave the kitchen when we're done with supper and don't bother with it that night. We rarely even clear the table.

Why?

The Thought that Changed My Marriage

I remember how frustrated I felt, early in our marriage, as I told my husband: "I feel like ice cream. Nothing else appeals to me. Don't you understand what it feels like to crave something?" My husband, looking a little apologetic, admitted he had no clue. He said sometimes he wanted a specific food, but the idea of wanting something to the exclusion of anything else felt nonsensical. All he knew was hungry and not hungry.

10 Books to Read Before You're a Spouse & Parent

There are countless marriage and parenting books, and although I certainly can't cover all of them, there are some I think are especially important to start you off on the right foot when it comes to being a supportive spouse and parenting with joy.

1. Intended for Pleasure

I've mentioned this book before as one I consider incredibly important to create a healthy, balanced sexual relationship between a husband and wife. It helps you know how to prepare for the wedding night, how to talk about sex with your spouse, how to deal with typical problems that come up, and the science of sex and how it works. It can hopefully foster a practical start to one of the more complicated areas of marriage to navigate.

2. Essentialism

I believe this book is also important as you begin marriage, because it helps you set up guidelines for decision making - particularly when it comes to deciding what will fill your schedule. When coming into marriage, I cannot think of anything more precious than time, and this book can help you recognize where you might be spending time that you shouldn't and how you can refocus on what really matters to you.

Parenting During Crises: Same or Different?

My husband and I were recently involved in a vehicular accident. We were both injured - on the way to the hospital where my father was prepping for a quadruple bypass after a heart attack. We had dropped the kids off with my in laws, so thankfully they weren't involved in the accident. We got home about six hours later than we had planned, me in a cast and my husband with a head wound. The children had been put to bed without knowing if we would be back. And for the next week, we traveled to and from the hospital - an hour away - to be with my father during his recovery.

This kind of thing takes a great toll on children. You could almost hear them asking question. Why does Mommy keep leaving? Why are they so upset? Why are these people I don't know well taking care of me? Why can't I nurse before bed? When will things be normal?

My Baby Needs to Cry

Ever since I've been a mother, I've had a difficult time accepting the idea that some babies need to cry themselves to sleep. Couldn't you rock them? Nurse them? Hold them? Sleep with them? Swaddle them? So many options! Surely there must be something the parents are missing.

Then I had a baby to needs to cry himself to sleep. For nearly every nap and bedtime.

Books that Changed My Life

Anyone who spends any amount of time reading will have read at least one book that really impacted them - perhaps because it was a book that changed their way of thinking or because it touched on something that was important to them. I have been an avid reader since I was incredibly young, and I have gone through stages of reading different types of books. Right now, I read almost exclusively non fiction where I hardly ever read it before college. I go through phases where I'll focus on a particular topic or author and really dive in, immersing myself, and hopefully coming out of that more knowledgeable.

Some books have certainly been more impactful than others. The Boxcar Children books were huge for me, when I was eight or so; now not so much. But back then, I certainly wouldn't have been at all interested in books about climate responsibility or the nature of disease. Some really important books didn't do much for me (like Frankenstein) - probably because they weren't new thoughts - and some insignificant books really shaped my world view because I read them at the right time.

Zero Waste - How and Why

I find myself becoming more hippie every day. It was never a goal of mine, partially because there are aspects of the hippie lifestyle that I don't condone, but the granola, tree-hugging, natural-living life appeals to me greatly. This is true for several reasons. First, I am a steward of the earth, and I feel that responsibility strongly. Secondly, I love the art of keeping home, and that involves living more slowly, simply, and naturally - at least it does for me. Lastly, I believe it to be healthier and more beneficial for my family. First I adopted the practice of using natural cleaners and hygiene products, then minimalism, then my family went paper free. It seemed natural that a zero waste lifestyle would follow.

What is a zero waste lifestyle? Put simply, it is the practice of eliminating single-use products from your life and trying to limit your waste to infinitely recyclable or compostable items. For us, this meant getting a compost bin for our home, buying local products we can put in our own containers, and limiting the other things we buy to things in glass, metal, or paper packaging. I find it to be a fun process, and we're getting to know our area better as a result.

Because we're doing a no-spend, right now, we've decided to only purchase on a replacement basis, which is what most zero-wasters do anyway. We did make an exception for the composting bin. We've found a local place to get meat and dairy, another to get grains, and we're still looking for options for produce. I'm working through my list of things to replace items like shampoo and tinfoil. I'm deciding what we'll give up instead of finding an alternative or trying to make ourselves.

To me it's an exciting process. I think my husband finds it stressful, right now, though that will hopefully become less as we become used to the new routines. We've been doing it for a couple weeks, and in the past week have only take out one bag of trash. That's pretty good, considering we don't have our compost bin, yet, and are still getting through single-use products we had before this new venture started. I look forward to seeing how it simplifies and betters our home.

If you're interested in more information, you can check out this website. It includes links to videos, if you would prefer that kind of information.

Adventures in Napping

I am a mother of two.

It's crazy to think about, really. Just three months ago, I was chasing a toddler. Now I'm chasing that same toddler with a chunky, three month old baby in my arms. And I love it. My daughter dotes on her little brother, always wanting to be close to him, letting me know when he's crying (as though I can't hear it), and constantly chattering to him while he stares at her, taking in every word. It's incredibly precious.

One thing I wasn't exactly prepared for, after having a new baby, was the numerous regressions that took place in my toddler after her brother was born. I was prepared for jealousy. Didn't happen. I was prepared for aggression. Didn't happen. What did happen were three different regressions, one of which I didn't know could happen: eating, sleeping, and pottying.

High Needs Toddler & Pregnancy

Having a high needs toddler is no joke. My daughter is just as unpredictable in her mood and temper as when she was a tiny baby. Although things do improve with vocabulary and gentle communication, there are still all those high need characteristics to deal with.

Right now, I'm 36 weeks pregnant, and going through almost the entire pregnancy with my toddler, I've had to change some of my expectations (of myself and my toddler), and I've had to adapt. If you are in the same boat I have been in, I know your frustrations and your desires. Here are some tips for getting through pregnancy while raising a high needs toddler with grace.

Five Reasons My Home is Always Clean

We live in a life that is incredibly understanding of women who can't get everything done, and I love that, because I certainly don't get it all done; however, I do keep a spic and span home. Various people do this in different ways because people live different lives. Here are some of the ways I keep my home clean:

Why I Make My Toddler Wear Sunglasses

People ask me fairly often why my daughter wears sunglasses. Is there something wrong with her eyes? No. Does she like to wear them? Not particularly. Is it because it's so cute? That's good incentive, but it's not the main reason. I make her wear them, and she isn't allowed to take them off when we're outside, because I don't want her eyes to be damaged by sunlight. 

It's amazing to me; I'll see parents slathering sunscreen on their kids, putting on hats for good measure, and completely neglected those precious jewels. I'm guessing it's mostly out of ignorance, as whenever I explain, people tell me how much sense it makes. Of course they need protection. Many adults put on sunglasses because brightness hurts their own eyes and don't think to put them on children because there's no way for the child to communicate discomfort.