Before our baby was born, sex was part
of my daily routine, even throughout the pregnancy. As something
important to myself and my husband, we were anxious to know when
things get back to normal – at least in that regard.
Everywhere I read, people said: six
weeks. If you feel like it, earlier is okay.
I felt like this was a little dodgy. I
would have been okay with sex – at least emotionally – the day
after labour. Physically, no, but if it was supposed to be determined
by whether or not I felt like sex, it should be safe.
Not.
My husband, thinking that a week or a
few days earlier would be fine, asked my lactation consultant what
she recommended. She said twelve weeks would be ideal; the body takes
awhile to heal. Even though the usual recommendation is six weeks,
she said some women are still bleeding by that point, and that means
you risk infection. I expected my husband to protest, after she left,
but instead he said: “I can wait twelve weeks if that's best for
you.”
So we did. And, I must say, I did
need that time. Even now, I can still feel that my body isn't fully
recovered, but waiting that long gave me the time to prepare my body
and my mind.
Would
I recommend waiting longer? Not really – unless yours is a special
case of extended recovery or your husband isn't interested. Husbands
really need that connection, and you having it again is also healthy
for you. It is something that the two of you share that the baby
doesn't have a part of (though the little one may interrupt), and it
is something from the life before baby that can reassure you that not
everything changed. It's a little normalcy.
What
should you expect, post-baby?
Expect
a little pain. If you wait twelve weeks, you can avoid a lot of pain.
It's not like virgin sex, though it is similar to the feeling of
having sex when you're too dry. Use lots of lube and take things
slowly.
Don't
get angry if the baby interrupts. Some people say to hire a
babysitter, but many of us won't take that step. Pick a time when
your baby is settled for awhile and go for it. If you're interrupted,
take care of the baby and try again.
Don't
focus on how it feels different, because it probably doesn't feel as
different as you think; it's been too long for you to remember that
many details. Let it be new and different – something to
rediscover.
Don't
over think it. Talk about it with your spouse – before, during, and
after the act. This will ease tension, letting you talk through your
fears and what you're feeling. Don't expect it to be full speed right
away. Make an effort to please your husband – it will take your
mind off yourself, which is the point anyway.
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