As a mother, I never thought I would
hear myself say those words, but as I recently held my sobbing, 17
month old daughter tightly, I whispered to her: “I'm so sorry,
Baby; thank you for crying.”
This happened during her nap time.
There is usually a pretty solid routine we go through, which is nice
for both of us. I make sure she either nurses or eats a snack, change
her diaper, cuddle with her for a few minutes, then lay her down. She
is an excellent sleeper, and I can put her down wide awake for naps and bedtime. She might
whimper a little when I leave, but she's usually quiet within a
minute or two.
This particular day, our routine wasn't
quite so regular. I had been nursing her lying down on the couch, and
her eyes were slowly getting more and more heavy as she drifted off.
It was about five minutes earlier than I usually put her down, but I
gathered her in my arms, carried her to her crib, and set her down
with her lovey, covering her with a light quilt. She smiled up and
me, I told her to sleep well, and I left. Seconds later, she started
crying. Since she did that on occasion, I didn't go back in but waited
a few minutes. She was still crying. I thought she sounded like she
might be calming down, so I waited a couple more minutes. Still
crying.
I'm sure some, at this point, would
have just ignored her, but I've never ignored my baby's crying.
Despite people saying we might “spoil” her by going to her, we
have found that she never cries without a reason – even as a small
toddler. I went back into her room, and she was lying down, squeezing
her lovey tightly, crying with quick gasps, obviously trying to “be
good” and not cry but also plainly upset. I picked her up,
remembering I hadn't changed her diaper. Pulling it open to check, I
immediately knew why she had been so upset.
As I laid her down to change her
diaper, she giggled through her tears, knowing I had understood. I
changed her quickly, then held her tightly against me, apologizing
for not remembering to change her and thanking her for crying until I
listened.
This appreciation for a baby's tears is
not something many people seem to understand. I hear parents say they
wouldn't go to their child every time he or she cried, their voices
holding a tinge of disdain for people who would. People seem to think
babies and toddlers cry to manipulate them, and to ignore them is to
establish authority. “I am an adult, and I know what's best.” It
also implies that crying is a nuisance, not a tool – practically
the only tool! – a baby has to communicate.
Although I don't enjoy crying any more
than the next person, I encourage my daughter to cry. When she's sad
or hurt, I want her to share her pain with me, and I don't attempt to distract her. When she needs
something that I haven't noticed (it happens more than I like), I
want her to cry so I can take care of the problem. I don't want her
to ever feel that I don't take her tears as seriously as she does, and I believe that is a big part of why she is so content and
cheerful.
If I had ignored her cries during nap
time, what shape would her bottom have been in after sleeping in her
own refuse for two hours? If I made a habit of ignoring her, when
would she stop trying to tell me something is wrong? I don't plan to
find out.
